Not So Loving Side of Gentle Parenting, The: A Biblical Plea to Parents

FORTHCOMING TITLE, ETA JUNE 2025

A new Trojan horse took baby steps into the nursery and has now launched big steps into the church family—“Gentle Parenting.”  It is likely this novel parenting philosophy has been adopted by families in your church body. This book will (1) characterize and define what Gentle Parenting is (2) critique it by comparing and contrasting it with the Holy Scriptures, (3) call believers back to raising their children in truth, and then (4) carefully consider the essential need to rely solely upon the sufficiency of Scripture in parenting. Parenting is a blessed stewardship believers are called to carry out for God’s glory in His Word.

136 pages.

Endorsements 

When we were young Christian parents of young children, those in our circles were devouring Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart; Bruce Ray, Withhold Not Correction; and Al Martin tapes on how to parent biblically. I do not generally see the same interest or hunger among young Christian parents today. It seems that many in the younger generation, even those in solid churches, are opting for popular social models. Crunchy parenting. Helicopter parenting. Free-range parenting. Snowplow parenting. For those who know the above terms, they know that these parenting styles are fraught with problems. They are radically child-centered, generally passive, and driven by faulty assumptions about the role of parents. But now there is “gentle parenting.” What could possibly be wrong with gentle parenting? It sounds good. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit. It sounds like an improvement from previous generations. “Not so fast,” says Justin Miller. Justin skillfully defines and then analyzes this parenting model and demonstrates that it falls short, far short of the biblical standards for raising children. He then deftly gives a wonderful, concise summary of biblical parenting. This little book is a clarion call to return to parenting according to God’s Word and to reject this popular yet unbiblical model. It is my prayer that this short, accessible book will be used by God to help young Christian parents return to an approach to parenting that is governed by the sufficient Scriptures, fueled by prayer for divine wisdom, for the glory of God and the good of our children.

—Dr. Brian Borgman, Pastor of Grace Community Church in Minden, NV 
Author of Don’t Waste Your Breath 

The parenting models of modern psychology are, quite simply, bankrupt to the core. What we need in our day is a return to the authority and sufficiency of Scripture in matters of family life, childrearing, and discipline. Above all, our children must understand that they have violated God’s law and that they need the gospel. Biblical parenting, then, is gospel parenting. By focusing on biblical authority, the paradigm of God as the perfect Father, the centrality of family worship, and the necessity of getting to the heart, Miller ably critiques gentle parenting and offers instead the wise, practical, and loving model of God’s Word. 

—Dr. Joel R. Beeke, Chancellor of Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary and Author of Parenting by God’s Promises 

Justin insightfully exposes how the advocates of “Gentle Parenting” or “Child-led Parenting” have fallen headlong into a make-believe Alice-in-Wonderland rabbit hole cluttered with dizzying distortions of truth. There, the tour guide experts try to convince us that parental authority, discipline, punishment and consequences are cruel and harmful, while a child’s autonomy, feelings, preferences, and freedom are paramount priorities. Miller’s careful analysis is a Red Pill bringing enlightenment for parents to recognize the “Yea, has God said” (Genesis 3:1) hiss of the "murderer and liar" (John 8:44) who wants to destroy our children.  Get it and read it.

—Mark Chanski, Coordinator of the Reformed Baptist Network
Author of Encouragement: Adrenaline for the Soul, Manly Dominion, and Womanly Dominion

This book does a fine job of fairly explaining the phenomenon of gentle parenting while also exposing its unbiblical presuppositions. The author is rightly concerned that Christian parents are influenced by so-called parenting experts who reject biblical authority and don’t understand the personhood of our children (made in God’s image), their purpose (to glorify God), their problem (sin), and the answer (redemption through Christ). Thus, their parenting approach is flawed and harmful. In addition to critiquing gentle parenting, this book also seeks to positively offer a biblical approach to parenting which employs both loving discipline and gospel-focused instruction.

—Dr. Jim Newheiser, Professor of Christian Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte, NC and Executive Director of IBCD (The Institute for Biblical Counseling and Discipleship)

If you ask the wrong question, you will always get the wrong answer. Justin Miller skillfully critiques the modern approach of gentle parenting by asking the right questions regarding parenting, authority, and the nature of the parent/child relationship as laid out in Scripture. This short book will be useful to Christian parents or any who want to know what the Bible says regarding godly parenting. I thank God that my friend, Justin Miller, has addressed this timely subject.

—Dr. Sam Waldron, President of Covenant Baptist Theological Seminary and Pastor of Grace Reformed Baptist Church in Owensboro, KY

The Not So Loving Side of Gentle Parenting, comes to us just at the right time. Who could possibly be against gentleness in parenting? Isn’t gentleness a biblical requirement for parents and a manifestation of the filling of the Holy Spirit? Justin Miller has done us all a favor to expose the problems of the rising gentle parenting movement, which has redefined parenting, and actually even human nature, while excluding other indispensable matters that are direct commands of Scripture. It is a Trojan horse in the church. Parents are often vulnerable to false teaching in their quest to find that new silver bullet, that fresh approach that will fix everything. They think a new technique will take them to the next level. So goes the Christian parenting book market—one new wave after another of creative angles using fresh unbiblical terminology that will make their children happy and well adjusted. Unfortunately, the gentle parenting movement does the opposite. It is actually the offspring of Rousseau, Dr. Spock, Sigmund Freud, Carl Rogers and the modern rejection of the sufficiency of Scripture—leading to false worldly ideas about mercy and compassion. 

I have dozens of modern child-rearing books. Almost all of them are untethered to the Bible. The watershed issue for the church is the sufficiency of Scripture. The first half of this book exposes and refutes gentle parenting, while the second half presents what scripture actually says. Justin summarizes, “To embrace the philosophy of Gentle Parenting is to deny the Bible as a sufficient guide for how you are to parent your children.” Don’t minimize the proliferating danger of this movement—#gentleparenting has 2.8 billion views on TikTok.

—Scott T. Brown, Pastor at Hope Baptist Church in Wake Forest, NC and President of Church & Family Life

What a great stewardship God bestows on us when He gives us children! We hear many worldly voices telling us how to handle this stewardship. Justin Miller’s treatment of this subject is one that I would commend to you, especially in contrast to what is now being called “Gentle Parenting.” This is because he takes us back to the Bible, to the words of the One who has given us our children and will hold us to account for their souls in the end.

—Dr. Conrad Mbewe, Pastor of Kabwata Baptist Church and Founding Chancellor of the African Christian University in Lusaka, Zambia